Israeli immigrant going about healing sick and feed the per , asshole

So I'm a watchin' Bill O' Reily . Seems there is some Hippy from Israel maybe Palestine, he's going about my motherland Dixie. Giving food to the per. Getting doctors to help the sick. Fucking dirty ass hippy. May he be crucified. Not is not the way of the Lerd, The Lerd wants you to get off yer ass, and fuck ya' if ya' can't Make it. Just ask my old friend now gone, Mr Lavey  he was a pious man of the Lerd. Deport that son of a bitch back home, and get me new dick pump medicare.

Cheffington Fired fer Being Sick Nasty Industry

God damned Lerd. Cheffington got fired. For calling off due to contracting ebola from the food he had to cook from Sierra Leone. The fucking Chef said get in here or you are fired. Cheffington said he was in an isolation ward on a government hold. Until the anti-virals kicked in. He was fired. In food you work fucking sick. The Health dpet. stuff that is bullshit. Plus they always under staff. 

Why the fuck would someone want to go to school for 2 years. To get a job that pays 9 bucks a hour. Has no benefits. Or sick time? Maybe in a hotel or cafeteria but in restaurants fuck no

God damned the perty I vote fer. They sent all the manufacturing over seas for a bribe. But they hate everyone that ain't like me, and love the Lerd. So it all works out.

The Lerd Explained Fast Food Politics of the Burrito Mac Wars.

Long time ago in a decade far far away. The great evil Ronald Mcdonald. He bought the majerity of a start up burrito company from Denver. Burrito a peasant street food barely 100 years old meant to be cheap. And fer the per people. 
Old Ronald Reagan Mcdonald. He taught them how to make cheap per folks street food seem like a healthy ordeal. By buying chickens from factory farms that simply opened the fucking door on penned up , yet hehe not caged but crowded chicken stockades. It can legally be called free range! He lent them his ad people. Taught them how to take advantage of naive nice folk, who think they is saving the world. 
Taught them that you ca get beef from Australia, and simply use a globe map , and say local means see how it is close on the globe. Aint like it's on the moon! 
Then in 2006 they went to the Clinton school of wheely dealy. By playing somewhat nice. And they flipped the bird to old Ronny after he helped them grow. Give them a little bit of nice, while loading the tortilla with cheap ass white monsanto rice lol Clintonomics. AT least Ronny says fuck you this is what you got dummy. And you like it!!!
Now we have the all mighty wars. Intercepting each others shipments of undocumented 3 dollar an hour staff. And all kinds of craziness. I say fuck it.
Chefington and i plan on charging 75 bucks a plate to open fereign ordeal , Authentic Nerth Kerean food. Grass served on top of UN rations of rice. Think we could have one in every major hip city.

Vengeance Is Mine Sayeth The Lerd, Eye Fer' an Eye, Tooth Fer' a Tooth, Death Fer' the Chef

I have no idea how I got away with this. The Lerd was on my side. My nephew Chefington , now Line Cookington was hospitalized. That asshole Executive Chef, threw a pot of boiling water in his face. Then took a metal pot and scooped out hot fryer oil and tossed on him. Fer' the orders were a pilin' up and he wanted the line movin faster. Fuck with my kin, I do you in.
I grabbed my 12 gauge auto loader, stole a scooter from Kroger. Went to the other end of the plaza , rolled into the establishment. Right past goofy foody onlookers. Into the kitchen. God Damned sissy chef bastard was back there yelling at some young girl server. She was in tears. 
I said c'mon you overrated useless profession piece of shit. He screamed "How Dare you speak that way, I am Blacktar Der Meinlein. Famous Chef" I said fuck you sissy, And pumped one in his gut, the pellets got stuck barely penetrating his coat. Which was solid with grease and sweat, for he had not showered or changed clothes. Since they last sobered him up for his tv demo cooking 4 months back. So I aimed fer his head. Blowing it clean off. End of him.
Then I went and blew all the cooks off the line, head shots mind you. Those uniforms are solid from months of wear. And not bathing. 
Then as I headed toward the rear exit, I saw the dish washer boy, having his way with a raw turkey. I blasted his head clean off. Talk about stuffing a bird I tell ya. 
As I rolled out the back der, into an alley the general manager was smoking meth, so I blew his head off and rolled on back to my truck. The end. None of these bastards as is customary in restaurants had friends or family out of the place that cared. So I got away clean :)

Oh Lerd Caught In the Fast Food War CrossFire

Being a pious man of the Lerd, brought me luck i thought. 
Being a 5 times a day diner of Mcdonald's , i won a trip to the back water of South America. To go on a ride along. As we pave down a primitive village and rain ferest. To make a factory cow farm, and slaughtering, grinding factory. 50 rigt wing murdering Regan loving guerillaz, were painted with clown make up to assist in the capture of the staff of this soon to be built piece of magnificent manifest factory of the Lerd.
Things went out well at first. We bulldozed down the huts. Then the guerillaz using nets and tranquilizer guns. Went about chasing the little loin cloth wearing dudes. It looked like a Scooby Doo musical number , I tell. Running to and fro.
Then suddenly out of nowhere, a giant silver blimp , like a Chipolte burrito, appeared above us. Spewing flaming napalm, dropping cluster bombs. With precise accuracy on the demolition crew. And the clown troopers. Careful not to harm the precious capture. I wobbled off , into the jungle and hid. 
Suddenly another group of troops arrived, dressed like pastoral farmers. Wearing overalls Covered in body armor. Straw hats and carrying pitch forks. A giant truck, with a trailer made like a giant foil burrito came as well. On the road that Mcdonald's had paved. The little dudes were prodded into the back of it with the pitch forks. And off they went. To work at Chiplotes back home for 3 bucks an hour. 
I was medivaced out several hours later, by a Mcdonald's chopper. 

Trump in the Rump

Dear Lerd fergive me for my type diabetic hallucination of home fried erotic lust.

I once again met Trump at a rally backstage in a dream. 
He called me a dumb hillbilly red neck. And taunted me fer hours. 
I noticed he popped a lil' blue pill like a I do. Washing it down it down with $1300.00 a bottle Scotch. 
Lerd forgive me. Fer' he said you fat red neck. I seen Deliverance. I know what your kind does. 
 Then he slammed me off my scooter. And did went where no man has gone before. Saying I get you first. Squeal like a pig boy. Pumped in the rump by Trump. Fergive me Lerd.

Slump of Trump

Thank you Lerd. It was discovered the migrant workers. Whose DNA was found in my bowels. Well, they were ordered killed and ground up. Asking fer real minimum wage. Why the fuck do they think my old pal Boehner and co. Say they don't want them here, but still let them come in here?
So the big money man can save money.Fuck, those wherz would have jobs if industrial meat processing plants paid the real wage for that dangerous shit. And had to follow OSHA rules. The Lerd does not want big money following safety rules. That is waste and waste of money is bad. And I'd have less heroin wherz to scoop out my poo. The Lerd says fuck the weak, via his prophet Ayn Rand.

I'm voting Trump, though I did have a type 2 diabetic coma dream. He had lost his money, and went about with a dead cat glued to his bald head. Robbing and raping. And would try to run for president of cell block inmate council every four years. Though like most violent criminals, always got released to make room for passive hippies. That grow devil's weed. 

And what is the deal, with this so called college boy pastor back at county jail?
He told me the Lerd, went about healing the sick, telling people to ditch their stuff, and feed the poor. This is bullshit. The Lerd was about all you can get. 

Oh Dear Lerd I am denied bail

Oh Lerd, I pray that you help me. I was unclogged by the jail doctor. He had never seen so much undigested meat in his life.
He sent it to the the sheriff's lab. 
Help me Lerd. They claim to have found the DNA of 16 missing migrant workers. That worked at a meat processing plant out west. That oddly enough supplies Mcdonald's. All this plus some low grade beef in my bowels.
Dear Lerd, I'm now held on suspicion of being a Cannibal serial killer, hate monger that committed a cannibal hate crime Help Me Lerd.

Lerd Please Help Satan Has Me in Jail ..again

Dear Lerd,
I pray for your help, I do after all go to church every Sunday. And loudly preach yer werds.
Darkness has fell on me. I could not find a wher in Nerwood. Damned cops and the spot lights in west Nerwood. Running them off. So I drives down the road, to the hood.
Dear Lerd,
First I spots the wherz. Then I drive up, Then slowly wobble out the truck. Oh fuck, on the wall I see a vote Bernie poster. With him sitting on top of me, pounding my face in. Violent fucking drugged out hippy he is. Says "Bernie takes no red neck racist shit" on  the bottom half. Lerd, I got pissed. So I set the posters on fire, the cops came. And approached me asking for id. 
I says, I am a sovereign entity under God the Lerd. Under the articles of confederation. I can only be touched by law enforcement. That is the county sheriif, and you have no place to stop me. 
Fucking pig, called in and asked for back up, said we got one of those southern sovereign citizen cop killer types.
Needless to say 15 of them showed up, shot me 42 times. Thank the Lerd the bullets only made it an inch into my subcutaneous blubber. Now i await court again as i lay in the jail infirmary. 
Tomorrow though they are going to unclog my bowels on the state's dime.

Blasphemous Turn Coat Miltia Dick Heads LERD!!!!!!!!!

Dear Lerd, these beer guts. Fuckin' assholes are just welfare suckers. Frauds, False Prophets of the LERD!!!!!!!

I stole a scooter from Kroger. Took it and set up shop in front of the White House. Held a sign. "GET YER GUVURNMUNT HANDS OFF MY DICK PUMP" it says. 

The militias showed to help me. Great Patriots my ass. 
A bunch of fed marshalls, who have no right by the LERD to arrest us. Pulled up, and said "Jobless, loser miltia men. If you do not pack your toys. And go home. The fed gov will cut off your ssi checks, food stamps, and welfare. You have 15 minutes"

Dear LERD!!!! Those blasphemous traitors. They all packed and ran. Coward's , Sissie's , punks.

Finally I said fuck it and scooted a few blocks away. To find a wher. While I still had some viagra. 

Dear Lerd Probation Says Get GED, but First a Civic Class on American Goverenment. Help Lerd.

This is Satan's commie brainwashing. Lerd protect me. Had to pay for a Civic/American Government Class at UC. Of my own pocket. Cheap ass courts.

They had a discussion on me. Said I am a hypocrite just like Bundy. For we both claim to hate and not recognize the American Federal Government. Or it's laws. Using that as a reason to do what the fuck we want. Believing it is ok, for us to do what the fuck we want. Just not black, Latino, Asians, Native American, or sissy commie French types. Or per' penniless loafers, or women.
Then after we get busted acted like lawless mad men. We cry of violations of the Bill of Rights, a document that we do not believe in. Due to the fact it is hypocrisy. In the way we actually believe in the Articles of Confederation. Handed down by the Lerd, before the Constitution.
Shit, the professor a bitch, probably fucked the Dean. Said it's all just bullshit we make up to clog up the legal system. And we are just selfish redneck, unedumacated pyschopaths. Using it to justify doin'. What the fuck we want. 
And I said help me Lerd. Help me Lerd. They speak against the principles of my Church dear Lerd. 

No Not Him Again

Oh Lerd in heaven. Not again. Probation officer said. I gotta' do every talk show offered. Not just Fox. And she wanted recordings of the Hannity show people, uh meetin' with me. She listened to them, and said what bullshit. It's a couple of bad fiction writers. Who can't get a book out. Telling me what to say. Lerd, Fox is true. Why would they tell me to say what ain't? She says now they turned their back on Zimmerman, like they did Cliven Bundy. And I'm the the new rating cow. Dear Lerd, she said they'll turn on me, and she will laugh. Lerd, curse her to hell!
Lerd, I thought I was going to have chance to wipe the floor with Bill Meher's pot head ass.
I went on there. With my pal, the mayor of Norwood, Ohia, the last living dixiecrat. 
Dear Lerd, why did you fersake me?
It was the over time segment. And a twitter came in. About how we should stop paying for dick pumps, and dick pills fer' guys like me. And use that money for better food and nutrition edumaction' in shcools. WTF Mcdonald's is all you need, let them do it fer' ya'. 
Also that commie Bernie Sanders. Not deserving of the name of the great Colonel Harlan Sanders. He talked of it just taking a little money, down the line in health care. From saving it do to the nutrition program. To help get anti opiate drugs out to poor addicts, and fund more rehabs. Dear Lerd, took me a few minutes. 
Then I understood. He was out to take away my right to fuck WHERZ.  I calls bullshit. Dear Lerd, then it happened. Senator Sanders must be on them Rooskie commie steroids from the old Olympics days. 
He jumped across the table. And jumped on top my scooter. And hit me about 25 times, knocked off my electric donkey. Lerd then he jumped on top of me,and hit me for like 5 minutes straight, Mayor Williams fresh off by-pass surgery had a heart attack. While Meher' and some Chef named Bourdain smoked the devil's weed. Dear Lerd. 

Now I'm held in a hospital, with secret service guarding my room. These violent thug commies. And I'm forced to watch Bernie explain that Democratic Socialism is what they do in Finland. Where they don't care what 2 grown up's do in the bedroom. And it is not this so called made up werd, totalitarianism. Like the old USSR. Though I do love Vladimir Putin, he should be president of the USA. A guy on Fox once said that he was like us Fox people. It must be true. 

This blog is satire.

This blog is based on a 400 lb old man that swims at my Y. 
He preaches morals and religion. Then 2 minutes later will graphically loudly, proudly boast of his escapades with poor female heroin addicts. 
I see this as semi-predatory behavior. I'm not prude but if one was to partake of the oldest profession. Why not save $ and get a pro. And not take advantage of a person in need of help.
This blog is pure satire, with an occasional true eve tossed in . Thank You disclaimer.

Wherz a fightin'

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Oh Lerd I'm going to be on Fox, CNN, MSNBC, ABC,CBS , and Fox.

Dear Lerd, I'm going to be on Sean Hannity. His people were just at my place. They told me what to say. That Zimmerman was high on pills, and had opiate withdraw. And saw the wher and the dope boy. And in a deal with 'em both gone wrong.He went nuts, and shot the whole damned place up. This part is what I saw, with my own eyes. He was a beating his meat as he fired the guns. Swear on the Lerd. 
Well I got to get permission from the probation slert. So I can travel to all these shows. I'm going to be a national hero, like Zimmerman until he got on pills. Oh Lerd, fame won't make me like him. I did not know he used to call the cops on people for silly stuff. Something like 64 times. And that he had 3 felony arrest prior to when he did his job. Protecting his neighborhood. Fucker must have been a wayward. of The Lerd.Musta' had to do some deep digging to find that shit out. And Gerge musta been on pills the whole time, like they said Dear Lerd. 

Dear Lerd , Fergive Me Fer i have Sinned Lerd

So I won this trip to a gated community. Fer a weekend in Flerda. Praise the Lerd. 
So I take my rental scooter and head to Mcdonald's of the merning. I ask my fellow brothers of ball caps sitting upon they noggin, where the wherz can be found. 
So after a day of sight seeing, I scoot up to the local supermarket and find a wher bumming change. She hops on and we go to my gated community. 
Lerd, we get back. She hops off . Down the road come some fat Mexican lookin' mother fucker on a bobcat with two light machine guns mounted by the headlights. She texted some fucker as we rode in. 
A hip hoppiy hoopity pulls up to my bungalow. And she goes to the car. Suddenly this fat Mexican looking mother fucker, opens fire. Killing my wher. Then he pulls up and starts hooting into the passenger der of the car. 
I'm pissed he killed my wher. The only one I could find. I scoots up behind this crazed fat illegal. Pulls my 5 shot snub nose .38 from my fat rolls. Scoot up beside him. As he is enjoying the demonic carnage. Screaming something about how these type always get away. And about knowing who is, and how he will fuckin' kill ya. I scoots up and pop one right in his fat head. Mexican fat fucker is dead.
Cops come, and they say I just popped Gerge Zimmerman Oh Lerd. He was my idol. my hero, and I have betrayed you dear Lerd. Forgive me.
The prosecutor refused to charge me on the fact , that I scooted my ground. 
Dear Lerd please help me , my slert probation officer got wind on the news. I was supposed to get permission to leave state. Help me Lerd.

I was a Trampoline Oh Lerd

That devil worshippin' nonbeliever Meher. Help me Dear Lerd. He likes to smoke the devil's weed. Then jump up and down on a trampoline for exercise. They lost his mini trampoline. Dear Lerd. The asshole had me tied up and laye on the fler. Came out in a NY Met's uniform cleets and all. And jumped on my big belly for about 45 minutes. And Told me the Reds suck. How was I to know, he was a minerity owner of the Mets. 
Then I was returned to jail. I demanded a chaplain. I got this young fucker, with a big beard, and fuckin' tatooo's. I knew he was a false prophet. When he refused to help me pray for revenge upon Meher, the Judge, and the jogging about meth wher that had me arrested. And fer' her evil slert friends. That beat me with metal dildo's and sprayed me with burning spicy fake jizz. Oh Lerd.
He said he was from some campus church. And was his day to volunteer at the jail. And asked me to think about this. 
That the Lerd, in heaven might be punishing me for taking advantage of those who do not have all their faculties, do to addiction and despair. 
And told me I should perhaps. Change my ways. Fuckin false prophet bastard.
And to top it off the old fart that works out and eats right. Has 2 girlfriends that sposed to be like 64. But only look about 52. Says he met them at the gym and a yoga class. Bullshit. He sold his soul to Satan.

Please Save Me Lerd, I'm A Prop Fer A Atheierst Comedian Help Lerd.

Lerd, please help me. I have been brought in for probation violation. I was found trying to purchase viagra at a dance clerb. Lerd Help Lerd. Damned Liberal Slert Judge,has gotten approval for an alternative sentence. I'm now a prop in a so called edumactional talk by the demonic Bill Meher! Lerd Why am I forsaken Help Me Lerd. 
Lerd he is crazy. He claims he eateth not your bounty of Mcdonald's and frozen pizza. Maybe that is why he is crazy. 
First he brings out another old man. Who is a Gerd Damned Egghead, says he is 70 like me but walks fast everyday, does that gay demonic yoga, eats so called fresh veggies and some lean meat. Oh Lerd. 
He is 6 feet tall and weighs 189. Oh Lerd He madeth a pact with the devil. Then Bill Meher has a nurse stab me in my ass cheek. And water gushes ferth. Claims I'm 5 feet 9 and 400 pounds, cuz i sit on my ass, and eat salt ridden faux food all day. Lerd Help me. 

Then the real dinger. He says why I'm put out on display. when asked why they are being so cruel to me. He says all I do is ride a scooter, eat fast food, and pop hard on pills, play with a penis pump, and chase drug addicted women about for sex. All on the tax payers dime. All while per kids starve. And that I'm sentenced to this for attempted rape. Satan is amongst us Lerd. Help me.And he says that old egghead volunteers feeding fucking bums 3 times a week. Fuck him.
And finally he says I inspired in part this rant. 

Trial and Tribulation Please Help Me Dear Lerd!

Oh, help me Lerd. I am a convicted man. I rolled a liberal judge an accursed slert of man hate. And a bitch for a persecutor as well. Or is it prosecutor? Help me Lerd. All 10 wherz showed for court. I even had a loony harlot public defender. She plead me no contest. Said she believes I need to be in a nut house. Help me Lerd. So away they sent me. 
This place I have to endure. Lectures from recovered drug wherz. Lerd, They called me a sexual predator. Preying on the addicted. They told of corrupt old politicians. (I used to drink and chase wherz with old Speaker Boner out in Reading.Mind You) Said they upped the heroin supply to fill the private jails. Cuz the jail companies paid them money. 

Told of how our brave men now guard poppy fields of the mid east. Some fer pills from drug companies(to hook the rich) , others fer cheap smacky dog. Fer the per. Lerd I love the plan. Creates wherz for my vote. Also I m banned from any erectile drug prescriptions for 6 months upon release. 
To top it off. They had Bill Meher come in and chastise me. Told me since I weigh 450 pounds, can't walk right, have high blood pressure, refuse to eat like my doctor says, and have to use laxatives and stool softeners. And sometimes a spoon. Why in the hell do I need to fuck on America's dime. 
He then called me a hypocrite. And blew the smoke of the devils weed in my face. Oh help me Lerd. 
And to top it off the ghost of George Carlin came up from hell and said I should consider euthanasia. Lerd smite thee wicked hippies.

My day in a preppy park

Oh Lerd , Help Me Lerd. I lay here in the hospital. Bruised and broken. Broken bones, Burnt skin from pepper spray, Oh Lerd.
I was invited as a winner at Mcdonald's to a cookout in  a park. It was in snooty neighborhood. Chef Meinlein Der Blaktar was grilling the new Mclizzard. Mclizzard, dealing with an invasive species known as the European Wall Lizzard. What better way than to make lizzard burgers, and lizzard mcnuggets. All for a new 25 cent special value menu. They even provided a valet, to bring a scooter to my truck.
So I had my fill. And I was felling the feeling from my new cialis. So i seen these wherz jogging about in skin tight duds. So I scoot up to one. And pull out a 20 spot. As is custom. And say 20 dollar , make me hollar. She scoffed. So I told her 25 no mer. These must be meth wherz, they was jogging about in a frenzy. She said "fuck off" So i scooted up and slapped her ass. Then rammed the scooter into her knocking her flat on her ass. Oh Lerd, then she yelled "Help" And about 10 mer, came outta nowhere. One pulled a small pipe thingy from a  fanny pack. Hit a button and it got long like my dong, on my new cialis. She ran over and hit me hard on the head. Drawing blood. 2 mer did the same thing. Knocking me off my electeric donkey. 
I screamed please Lerd, save me as 3 mer came and sprayed me down with a burning fizz.
 I was snotting and blinded. All I could make out was a like 10 of them. Hitting me with the metal dicks, and spraying me with burning fizz that smelled of hot sauce. I lost it and fell out. And here I am.
Handcuffed to a gurney. And told I will be transported to the county jail infirmary in the morning. A cop standing outside the der. Lerd please, help me , save me from these blasphemers of hell. 

Steam Room address Memoiral Day

Muddington D. Whale speaking. Today on the Memorial Day of the almighty Lerd. I was witness to heresy of the Lerd. The freak at the gym I attend. HE spoke of blasphemy. During my words of Memorial Priase to the Lerd. For the blessings of Sunday Service, and the great Heroin Scourge, that allows me to go spend 20 dollars to hollar. AMEN!

I go to Mcdonald's , eat 17 big macs. Spot a sickly gal, asking for change. And via the almighty Lerd. I arrange a deal. Free market at work. A taker, a moocher, now employed in the service industry of the Ayn Randian orgasm of the free market. Bill O' Reily and Sean Hannity would be so proud. The Heroin scourge and medicare provided viagra. Have been a blessing of the Lerd. Lerd blessith the corrupt reps and senators who provide me with viagra, and sex toys on the tax payer dime. As medical needs. All for my old vote. And for another 5 dollars, she shovels free the excess big maccage . That lies trapped within I Muddington D Whale. Clearing the road.

And this bastard pretty boy of Satan, dare speak heresy at the Steam Room. Claimed he would bloweth of thy head, if he had to be like me. What an ass, hope he keeps losing weight ans fadeth away. 
Time to go for now. Thanketh the Lerd for the CEO who sent my GM job to Mexico , and the reps and senators that helped him. One day I will haveth as many heroin wherz as he had high class wherz. Praise the Lerd. Free Market at work, I take a food stamp moocher ans show her the value of work via the Lerd.