God damned Lerd. Cheffington got fired. For calling off due to contracting ebola from the food he had to cook from Sierra Leone. The fucking Chef said get in here or you are fired. Cheffington said he was in an isolation ward on a government hold. Until the anti-virals kicked in. He was fired. In food you work fucking sick. The Health dpet. stuff that is bullshit. Plus they always under staff.
Why the fuck would someone want to go to school for 2 years. To get a job that pays 9 bucks a hour. Has no benefits. Or sick time? Maybe in a hotel or cafeteria but in restaurants fuck no
God damned the perty I vote fer. They sent all the manufacturing over seas for a bribe. But they hate everyone that ain't like me, and love the Lerd. So it all works out.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Friday, July 24, 2015
The Lerd Explained Fast Food Politics of the Burrito Mac Wars.
Long time ago in a decade far far away. The great evil Ronald Mcdonald. He bought the majerity of a start up burrito company from Denver. Burrito a peasant street food barely 100 years old meant to be cheap. And fer the per people.
Old Ronald Reagan Mcdonald. He taught them how to make cheap per folks street food seem like a healthy ordeal. By buying chickens from factory farms that simply opened the fucking door on penned up , yet hehe not caged but crowded chicken stockades. It can legally be called free range! He lent them his ad people. Taught them how to take advantage of naive nice folk, who think they is saving the world.
Taught them that you ca get beef from Australia, and simply use a globe map , and say local means see how it is close on the globe. Aint like it's on the moon!
Then in 2006 they went to the Clinton school of wheely dealy. By playing somewhat nice. And they flipped the bird to old Ronny after he helped them grow. Give them a little bit of nice, while loading the tortilla with cheap ass white monsanto rice lol Clintonomics. AT least Ronny says fuck you this is what you got dummy. And you like it!!!
Now we have the all mighty wars. Intercepting each others shipments of undocumented 3 dollar an hour staff. And all kinds of craziness. I say fuck it.
Chefington and i plan on charging 75 bucks a plate to open fereign ordeal , Authentic Nerth Kerean food. Grass served on top of UN rations of rice. Think we could have one in every major hip city.
Old Ronald Reagan Mcdonald. He taught them how to make cheap per folks street food seem like a healthy ordeal. By buying chickens from factory farms that simply opened the fucking door on penned up , yet hehe not caged but crowded chicken stockades. It can legally be called free range! He lent them his ad people. Taught them how to take advantage of naive nice folk, who think they is saving the world.
Taught them that you ca get beef from Australia, and simply use a globe map , and say local means see how it is close on the globe. Aint like it's on the moon!
Then in 2006 they went to the Clinton school of wheely dealy. By playing somewhat nice. And they flipped the bird to old Ronny after he helped them grow. Give them a little bit of nice, while loading the tortilla with cheap ass white monsanto rice lol Clintonomics. AT least Ronny says fuck you this is what you got dummy. And you like it!!!
Now we have the all mighty wars. Intercepting each others shipments of undocumented 3 dollar an hour staff. And all kinds of craziness. I say fuck it.
Chefington and i plan on charging 75 bucks a plate to open fereign ordeal , Authentic Nerth Kerean food. Grass served on top of UN rations of rice. Think we could have one in every major hip city.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Vengeance Is Mine Sayeth The Lerd, Eye Fer' an Eye, Tooth Fer' a Tooth, Death Fer' the Chef
I have no idea how I got away with this. The Lerd was on my side. My nephew Chefington , now Line Cookington was hospitalized. That asshole Executive Chef, threw a pot of boiling water in his face. Then took a metal pot and scooped out hot fryer oil and tossed on him. Fer' the orders were a pilin' up and he wanted the line movin faster. Fuck with my kin, I do you in.
I grabbed my 12 gauge auto loader, stole a scooter from Kroger. Went to the other end of the plaza , rolled into the establishment. Right past goofy foody onlookers. Into the kitchen. God Damned sissy chef bastard was back there yelling at some young girl server. She was in tears.
I said c'mon you overrated useless profession piece of shit. He screamed "How Dare you speak that way, I am Blacktar Der Meinlein. Famous Chef" I said fuck you sissy, And pumped one in his gut, the pellets got stuck barely penetrating his coat. Which was solid with grease and sweat, for he had not showered or changed clothes. Since they last sobered him up for his tv demo cooking 4 months back. So I aimed fer his head. Blowing it clean off. End of him.
Then I went and blew all the cooks off the line, head shots mind you. Those uniforms are solid from months of wear. And not bathing.
Then as I headed toward the rear exit, I saw the dish washer boy, having his way with a raw turkey. I blasted his head clean off. Talk about stuffing a bird I tell ya.
As I rolled out the back der, into an alley the general manager was smoking meth, so I blew his head off and rolled on back to my truck. The end. None of these bastards as is customary in restaurants had friends or family out of the place that cared. So I got away clean :)
I grabbed my 12 gauge auto loader, stole a scooter from Kroger. Went to the other end of the plaza , rolled into the establishment. Right past goofy foody onlookers. Into the kitchen. God Damned sissy chef bastard was back there yelling at some young girl server. She was in tears.
I said c'mon you overrated useless profession piece of shit. He screamed "How Dare you speak that way, I am Blacktar Der Meinlein. Famous Chef" I said fuck you sissy, And pumped one in his gut, the pellets got stuck barely penetrating his coat. Which was solid with grease and sweat, for he had not showered or changed clothes. Since they last sobered him up for his tv demo cooking 4 months back. So I aimed fer his head. Blowing it clean off. End of him.
Then I went and blew all the cooks off the line, head shots mind you. Those uniforms are solid from months of wear. And not bathing.
Then as I headed toward the rear exit, I saw the dish washer boy, having his way with a raw turkey. I blasted his head clean off. Talk about stuffing a bird I tell ya.
As I rolled out the back der, into an alley the general manager was smoking meth, so I blew his head off and rolled on back to my truck. The end. None of these bastards as is customary in restaurants had friends or family out of the place that cared. So I got away clean :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Oh Lerd Caught In the Fast Food War CrossFire
Being a pious man of the Lerd, brought me luck i thought.
Being a 5 times a day diner of Mcdonald's , i won a trip to the back water of South America. To go on a ride along. As we pave down a primitive village and rain ferest. To make a factory cow farm, and slaughtering, grinding factory. 50 rigt wing murdering Regan loving guerillaz, were painted with clown make up to assist in the capture of the staff of this soon to be built piece of magnificent manifest factory of the Lerd.
Things went out well at first. We bulldozed down the huts. Then the guerillaz using nets and tranquilizer guns. Went about chasing the little loin cloth wearing dudes. It looked like a Scooby Doo musical number , I tell. Running to and fro.
Then suddenly out of nowhere, a giant silver blimp , like a Chipolte burrito, appeared above us. Spewing flaming napalm, dropping cluster bombs. With precise accuracy on the demolition crew. And the clown troopers. Careful not to harm the precious capture. I wobbled off , into the jungle and hid.
Suddenly another group of troops arrived, dressed like pastoral farmers. Wearing overalls Covered in body armor. Straw hats and carrying pitch forks. A giant truck, with a trailer made like a giant foil burrito came as well. On the road that Mcdonald's had paved. The little dudes were prodded into the back of it with the pitch forks. And off they went. To work at Chiplotes back home for 3 bucks an hour.
I was medivaced out several hours later, by a Mcdonald's chopper.
Being a 5 times a day diner of Mcdonald's , i won a trip to the back water of South America. To go on a ride along. As we pave down a primitive village and rain ferest. To make a factory cow farm, and slaughtering, grinding factory. 50 rigt wing murdering Regan loving guerillaz, were painted with clown make up to assist in the capture of the staff of this soon to be built piece of magnificent manifest factory of the Lerd.
Things went out well at first. We bulldozed down the huts. Then the guerillaz using nets and tranquilizer guns. Went about chasing the little loin cloth wearing dudes. It looked like a Scooby Doo musical number , I tell. Running to and fro.
Then suddenly out of nowhere, a giant silver blimp , like a Chipolte burrito, appeared above us. Spewing flaming napalm, dropping cluster bombs. With precise accuracy on the demolition crew. And the clown troopers. Careful not to harm the precious capture. I wobbled off , into the jungle and hid.
Suddenly another group of troops arrived, dressed like pastoral farmers. Wearing overalls Covered in body armor. Straw hats and carrying pitch forks. A giant truck, with a trailer made like a giant foil burrito came as well. On the road that Mcdonald's had paved. The little dudes were prodded into the back of it with the pitch forks. And off they went. To work at Chiplotes back home for 3 bucks an hour.
I was medivaced out several hours later, by a Mcdonald's chopper.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Trump in the Rump
Dear Lerd fergive me for my type diabetic hallucination of home fried erotic lust.
I once again met Trump at a rally backstage in a dream.
He called me a dumb hillbilly red neck. And taunted me fer hours.
I noticed he popped a lil' blue pill like a I do. Washing it down it down with $1300.00 a bottle Scotch.
Lerd forgive me. Fer' he said you fat red neck. I seen Deliverance. I know what your kind does.
Then he slammed me off my scooter. And did went where no man has gone before. Saying I get you first. Squeal like a pig boy. Pumped in the rump by Trump. Fergive me Lerd.
I once again met Trump at a rally backstage in a dream.
He called me a dumb hillbilly red neck. And taunted me fer hours.
I noticed he popped a lil' blue pill like a I do. Washing it down it down with $1300.00 a bottle Scotch.
Lerd forgive me. Fer' he said you fat red neck. I seen Deliverance. I know what your kind does.
Then he slammed me off my scooter. And did went where no man has gone before. Saying I get you first. Squeal like a pig boy. Pumped in the rump by Trump. Fergive me Lerd.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Slump of Trump
Thank you Lerd. It was discovered the migrant workers. Whose DNA was found in my bowels. Well, they were ordered killed and ground up. Asking fer real minimum wage. Why the fuck do they think my old pal Boehner and co. Say they don't want them here, but still let them come in here?
So the big money man can save money.Fuck, those wherz would have jobs if industrial meat processing plants paid the real wage for that dangerous shit. And had to follow OSHA rules. The Lerd does not want big money following safety rules. That is waste and waste of money is bad. And I'd have less heroin wherz to scoop out my poo. The Lerd says fuck the weak, via his prophet Ayn Rand.
I'm voting Trump, though I did have a type 2 diabetic coma dream. He had lost his money, and went about with a dead cat glued to his bald head. Robbing and raping. And would try to run for president of cell block inmate council every four years. Though like most violent criminals, always got released to make room for passive hippies. That grow devil's weed.
And what is the deal, with this so called college boy pastor back at county jail?
He told me the Lerd, went about healing the sick, telling people to ditch their stuff, and feed the poor. This is bullshit. The Lerd was about all you can get.
So the big money man can save money.Fuck, those wherz would have jobs if industrial meat processing plants paid the real wage for that dangerous shit. And had to follow OSHA rules. The Lerd does not want big money following safety rules. That is waste and waste of money is bad. And I'd have less heroin wherz to scoop out my poo. The Lerd says fuck the weak, via his prophet Ayn Rand.
I'm voting Trump, though I did have a type 2 diabetic coma dream. He had lost his money, and went about with a dead cat glued to his bald head. Robbing and raping. And would try to run for president of cell block inmate council every four years. Though like most violent criminals, always got released to make room for passive hippies. That grow devil's weed.
And what is the deal, with this so called college boy pastor back at county jail?
He told me the Lerd, went about healing the sick, telling people to ditch their stuff, and feed the poor. This is bullshit. The Lerd was about all you can get.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Oh Dear Lerd I am denied bail
Oh Lerd, I pray that you help me. I was unclogged by the jail doctor. He had never seen so much undigested meat in his life.
He sent it to the the sheriff's lab.
Help me Lerd. They claim to have found the DNA of 16 missing migrant workers. That worked at a meat processing plant out west. That oddly enough supplies Mcdonald's. All this plus some low grade beef in my bowels.
Dear Lerd, I'm now held on suspicion of being a Cannibal serial killer, hate monger that committed a cannibal hate crime Help Me Lerd.
He sent it to the the sheriff's lab.
Help me Lerd. They claim to have found the DNA of 16 missing migrant workers. That worked at a meat processing plant out west. That oddly enough supplies Mcdonald's. All this plus some low grade beef in my bowels.
Dear Lerd, I'm now held on suspicion of being a Cannibal serial killer, hate monger that committed a cannibal hate crime Help Me Lerd.
Lerd Please Help Satan Has Me in Jail ..again
Dear Lerd,
I pray for your help, I do after all go to church every Sunday. And loudly preach yer werds.
Darkness has fell on me. I could not find a wher in Nerwood. Damned cops and the spot lights in west Nerwood. Running them off. So I drives down the road, to the hood.
Dear Lerd,
First I spots the wherz. Then I drive up, Then slowly wobble out the truck. Oh fuck, on the wall I see a vote Bernie poster. With him sitting on top of me, pounding my face in. Violent fucking drugged out hippy he is. Says "Bernie takes no red neck racist shit" on the bottom half. Lerd, I got pissed. So I set the posters on fire, the cops came. And approached me asking for id.
I says, I am a sovereign entity under God the Lerd. Under the articles of confederation. I can only be touched by law enforcement. That is the county sheriif, and you have no place to stop me.
Fucking pig, called in and asked for back up, said we got one of those southern sovereign citizen cop killer types.
Needless to say 15 of them showed up, shot me 42 times. Thank the Lerd the bullets only made it an inch into my subcutaneous blubber. Now i await court again as i lay in the jail infirmary.
Tomorrow though they are going to unclog my bowels on the state's dime.
I pray for your help, I do after all go to church every Sunday. And loudly preach yer werds.
Darkness has fell on me. I could not find a wher in Nerwood. Damned cops and the spot lights in west Nerwood. Running them off. So I drives down the road, to the hood.
Dear Lerd,
First I spots the wherz. Then I drive up, Then slowly wobble out the truck. Oh fuck, on the wall I see a vote Bernie poster. With him sitting on top of me, pounding my face in. Violent fucking drugged out hippy he is. Says "Bernie takes no red neck racist shit" on the bottom half. Lerd, I got pissed. So I set the posters on fire, the cops came. And approached me asking for id.
I says, I am a sovereign entity under God the Lerd. Under the articles of confederation. I can only be touched by law enforcement. That is the county sheriif, and you have no place to stop me.
Fucking pig, called in and asked for back up, said we got one of those southern sovereign citizen cop killer types.
Needless to say 15 of them showed up, shot me 42 times. Thank the Lerd the bullets only made it an inch into my subcutaneous blubber. Now i await court again as i lay in the jail infirmary.
Tomorrow though they are going to unclog my bowels on the state's dime.
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