My day in a preppy park

Oh Lerd , Help Me Lerd. I lay here in the hospital. Bruised and broken. Broken bones, Burnt skin from pepper spray, Oh Lerd.
I was invited as a winner at Mcdonald's to a cookout in  a park. It was in snooty neighborhood. Chef Meinlein Der Blaktar was grilling the new Mclizzard. Mclizzard, dealing with an invasive species known as the European Wall Lizzard. What better way than to make lizzard burgers, and lizzard mcnuggets. All for a new 25 cent special value menu. They even provided a valet, to bring a scooter to my truck.
So I had my fill. And I was felling the feeling from my new cialis. So i seen these wherz jogging about in skin tight duds. So I scoot up to one. And pull out a 20 spot. As is custom. And say 20 dollar , make me hollar. She scoffed. So I told her 25 no mer. These must be meth wherz, they was jogging about in a frenzy. She said "fuck off" So i scooted up and slapped her ass. Then rammed the scooter into her knocking her flat on her ass. Oh Lerd, then she yelled "Help" And about 10 mer, came outta nowhere. One pulled a small pipe thingy from a  fanny pack. Hit a button and it got long like my dong, on my new cialis. She ran over and hit me hard on the head. Drawing blood. 2 mer did the same thing. Knocking me off my electeric donkey. 
I screamed please Lerd, save me as 3 mer came and sprayed me down with a burning fizz.
 I was snotting and blinded. All I could make out was a like 10 of them. Hitting me with the metal dicks, and spraying me with burning fizz that smelled of hot sauce. I lost it and fell out. And here I am.
Handcuffed to a gurney. And told I will be transported to the county jail infirmary in the morning. A cop standing outside the der. Lerd please, help me , save me from these blasphemers of hell. 

Steam Room address Memoiral Day

Muddington D. Whale speaking. Today on the Memorial Day of the almighty Lerd. I was witness to heresy of the Lerd. The freak at the gym I attend. HE spoke of blasphemy. During my words of Memorial Priase to the Lerd. For the blessings of Sunday Service, and the great Heroin Scourge, that allows me to go spend 20 dollars to hollar. AMEN!

I go to Mcdonald's , eat 17 big macs. Spot a sickly gal, asking for change. And via the almighty Lerd. I arrange a deal. Free market at work. A taker, a moocher, now employed in the service industry of the Ayn Randian orgasm of the free market. Bill O' Reily and Sean Hannity would be so proud. The Heroin scourge and medicare provided viagra. Have been a blessing of the Lerd. Lerd blessith the corrupt reps and senators who provide me with viagra, and sex toys on the tax payer dime. As medical needs. All for my old vote. And for another 5 dollars, she shovels free the excess big maccage . That lies trapped within I Muddington D Whale. Clearing the road.

And this bastard pretty boy of Satan, dare speak heresy at the Steam Room. Claimed he would bloweth of thy head, if he had to be like me. What an ass, hope he keeps losing weight ans fadeth away. 
Time to go for now. Thanketh the Lerd for the CEO who sent my GM job to Mexico , and the reps and senators that helped him. One day I will haveth as many heroin wherz as he had high class wherz. Praise the Lerd. Free Market at work, I take a food stamp moocher ans show her the value of work via the Lerd.